the life in between

there is a life that i lived. 

a life of strangers for family & a bottom bunk for my bed. 

where the challenges of the day lay unknown yet at sunrise the heart was filled by God's overpowering peace. 

a life of the table benches filled tightly & strange facts to hear followed by fits of uproariously loud laughter. 

& everyday was real.  hearts open. raw. broken . confused. 

& a porch swing where i sat. alone or with a companion. a sacred spot. in ways to complex to explain to those who have not sat where we sat. 

there is a life that i lived. 

& tears sneak close to the corner of my eyes when i think of the memories.

70 days ago i stood on the front porch by the yellow door & watched as the white tahoe disappeared down the lane with miss katie inside. the mazlin ride followed in the same fashion shortly after. miss sam was gone now too.

i always said those yellow mums by the front steps were our funeral flowers. in this moment it felt real. 

it felt wrong to be alone in this house once filled with people & life. 

as i drag my last suitcase out the mentor bedroom i glance at the chalkboard wall

" only heaven can reveal the true impact of the ranch" -words of a ranch dad. 

the yellow door closes. 

there is a life that i lived filled with sadness & joy . disappointments & miracles. a whole lot of love. 

& each moment of that life is held closely in a room labeled raising hope ranch near the center of my heart.

there is this life in between. 

a life where i learn how to live in my home again. 

& the table is set for three. my parents & i. 

its a life that's been filled with things unimagined. 

& coffee dates have been with childhood friends where we realize there is a life to be lived. for all. 

where God moments are found in the everyday things. 

like the way the pattern fits just the right way or the feel of sourdough beneath the hands. 

its a life filled with thanksgiving & praise & late night journaling. 

& holding on to that life that i lived yet reaching forward to that life to be lived. 

a life in between labeled in my heart as a time to praise. 

a life in between given by God. 

lived by me. 

there is a life to be lived. 

its a life filled with unknowns & strangers. 

roads i have never driven & towns never explored. 

walmart aisles to be lost in & answered prayers to be lived in. 

there is a life ahead of me & it will be lived. 

where just the two of us sit at the table. my best friend & i. 

&to you fine humans 

i pray that your heart holds Jesus in every life you are living. 

until next time 

ms. tif